i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
