DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
