i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
