sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
