Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
