What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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