I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
