what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize