she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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