Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
