i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Found your dick twin last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
