I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
