I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize