We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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