i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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