I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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