Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
