i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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