A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
