oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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