drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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