I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
