He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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