Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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