You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
