The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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