Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
