So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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