I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
