i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
