between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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