He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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