Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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