Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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