I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
