So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
