I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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