That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
