you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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