i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
