Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
