If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
