I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
