As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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