I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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