you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
