yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
