She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
