Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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