I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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