i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
