I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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