Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
