We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
