So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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