Will you blow on my dice?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
