Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
