i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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