called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
