his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
