p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
