The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
