Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
