SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
