dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
