I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
