I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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