I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
