In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
