Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
