So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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