did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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