you would pick up someone in the library
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
