Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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