Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
