I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
