do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
