Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
