so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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