i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
