Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
