the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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